The Joy: Ntokozo

He was born on the 25th of November 1985 at 9pm, and although I wasn't there yet my family just knew that this bundle of joy was destined for great things! He came into this world with his hands rolled up into fists as if he was guarding something special in those tiny hands! And indeed he was!
He was to be a lover of beautiful things, a lover of words, a lover of music ( good music I might add) but most importantly he was to be the love n joy of our family n hence the name Ntokozo! The Lord blessed this soul with maturity, wisdom n intelligence that marvels me each time he drops one of his sarcastic lines... As a child I knew no one but my brother! He was the person who fetched me from pre school and was the name I'd scream when I needed him! And he was always there, even now when I scream for help he hEeds the call and no matter how far he is he rescues me just like he did when I was 3! I thought I'd pay tribute to this great man who has changed ma life in ways he can't begin to imagine! He is loving, gentle, kind, amazing, caring,and a pillar of strength! I have never seen someone so selfless and giving! My big brother might not know this but I appreciate him, and love him with affection so deep that words won't begin to describe what my heart feels in its depth! I just want to say thank u for being the best big brother anyone could ever ask for!

Ps: you are a beautiful soul and I plan on making u so proud! I love u!

Deflated spirit!

I dedicate this 2 everyone... Cause we all know we feel like this sometimes; I don't care how awesome you think you are!


My cheeks burn fr0m the h0t,salted water fl0wing fr0m the wind0ws t0 my s0ul. My visage,a picture painted with pain. My heart giving in with every beat. My mask quickly disappearing and my time f0r shrift c0ming near with each questi0n bringing fear. Trials nd tribulati0ns,that which even intercessi0n w0n't clear. My faith slipping thr0ugh my fingerz like grains of rice. My faith that sh0uld m0ve m0untains can't even m0ve a m0le-hill. Instead of faith, i maintain the ch0ler,they gyves that tie me down. But y0u shall never see this 'cause i jest ar0und. While my heart p0unds...with pr0r0gued f0rgiveness. And my chastity fading with each smile and woe creeping in like the sunset. And u will find me a 0nce valiant s0ldier lying on the gr0und wit n0 val0r left....

Big heart syndrome

Having a big heart SUCKS! Yes I know this cause I also suffer 4rm this disease of adulation! There are people out there who just don't care, u could fall off the edge of a cliff and they wouldn't even blink twice! Why is it then that I care so much? One of my friends told me that this big heart of mine is the reason why people take advantage of me, I admit it hurt to hear those words but then again she was being a true friend and only helping me out! I've always had a problem of being too empathetic, I can't help but make someone's problem my own! I'll do a somersault and a back flip 2 help a friend in need! The only problem is majority of the time when I'm in the darkest hour only a few of the buddies are ever there for me! I think this problem starts when you become so attached to people that you put them on a pedestal that they will not live up to.. And when we realize this our big hearts have mini heart attacks which oftens smashes us! I'm not saying caring is a bad thing don't get me wrong but sometimes we tend to let the people that don't deserve us so much power to hurt us! This is a hard lesson I learnt in the previous year, sometimes the people we love don't love us as much as we do! And that is where toxic relationships come from, these people take advantage of you and then they come back and act as if nothing happened and that's because you and your big heart have forgiven and forgetten! I'm not saying forgiving someone for what they have done to you is a bad thing but let's b realistic here... You don't just forget how someone screwed you over(it hurts like hell) and that crack will always be there in your beautiful friendship vase! But because of your big heart once again let that person in! I had a friend once who drained the living daylights out of me! It was always about her and never anyone else! I felt like I was her servant at all times! This one time we had a falling out( and they happened a lot) and she called my friendship( and I qoute) "a cheap condom" on a social network! She went on and on and even sweared at me! We agreed that we weren't meant to be together so our friendship ended ( that's what I thought.... But not for long). But the following year when we returned to school something had happened concerning her, and the first person my other friend called was me to help her out! I was so angry but I found myself walking to her room, and getting her out of there and into class! I cried after that cause I couldn't believe how I had helped her although she had said my friendship was like a cheap condom! After that I chose to forgive myself and then her! For me that was toxic and at times I blamed myself, but we need 2 remember that although we have big hearts they r not there to be abused!

Ps: "Love the ppl who treat u right, forget about the ones who don't, & believe that everything happens for a reason."

So if someone wants 2 leave let them go, them going doesn't define you...