For a while I was "Robot Girl", I had no feelings and I never allowed myself to care unless it was for family and friends! This was because I had seen with people around me that Love doesn't really love us back, and naturally I had a fear of this drug that everyone seemed hooked on!
Oh but then I met a dealer(lol yes You!),he got me hooked and fast! It quite amazing how when you into someone they became your vocabulary,I'm sure my friends were so tired of me!
In the midst of a high I wrote this:
UNTITLED
U cripple ma thoughts n make them sit down n think about u!
U tempt me with ur words n dangle ur soul in front me!
Uve creeped in2 ma speech n become ma vocabulary.....
U speak 2 da depth of me with ur silence...ur thoughts locked away n I can't hear a thing!
Just when I died coz I thot IT didn't exist u revived me with ur magic dust turned lust in2 like
U didn't consult me coz u knew I wudnt budge
So u walked all ova ma soul n left ur footprints!
N by this I've become ur slave n u ma Master whose cane caresses my body as i falls in2 da trance dat is U!
I feel da sudden urge 2 open ma eyes N come 2 realize dat ure a dream
A dream I wna live n love bt dat u r also da forbidden fruit I've bEen warned abt but eaten all da same!
I can't help dat uve entered ma mouth n awakened these old taste buds!
When I wrote this I was still on a crazy buzz,all I could do was think about this person, and looking back it wasn't good for me! Sometimes you want something or in this case someone but its not for you! When we realize this we fall fast from the good feeling and then the withdrwal symptoms come! Any ex-junkie will tell you how hard it is to let go of something that once made u feel good(and I mean damn good,you feel me?)...
So to my fellow users of love who have fallen from the high;it's not the end of the world hey(although it seems like that for a while). I think as people we look for affection in other people but what we need to realize is that you have to love yourself first before you can love another person! And that's why when we don't have that love for ourselves and people we loved leave; we feel like Love doesn't love us and that our worlds have ended!
Hahahaha... That's my 2 cents!
Sunday 11 December 2011
My first love!
I don't normally do this but thought I'd share something that is very personal , and that is my poetry!
The piece I'm about to share is something I wrote for all the ladies, we go through so much but we still carry on smiling!
This is for all my girls, with love ♥
And then there's her...
She sits woven in the fabrics of what she thought was good material
Her head wrapped around ideals that seemed concrete
Grounded in her full hips,thick lips,the roundness of her body...grounded in things she didn't have and was reminded by
Every man.
She doesn't know how to feel
She even questions if she ever felt anything
Does she even know what feeling is?
Once again she is fading... Into the great depression
Once again she has gone missing...without a trace
Her color seems invisible in the fabrics of life
Once again she becames a cold case to be locked away for decades
And she's trying to find herself in your eyes,your words,your thoughts... But she see's Maria
She see's what you say she is
Her real being consumed by your gossip,your comments, your stares
Her real being consumed by YOU!
And then there's her..
She sits woven in pain,her scars far more than physical
Mourns a baby she never got to have
Her exterior seemingly happy but her interior not speaking the same language
Her interior with holes from bullet wounds
Bullet wounds from the gun she constantly shoots herself with
And then there's her...
Now she sits woven in the same pain
Mourns a baby she treasured but never got to see
A baby that vanished right before her eyes
She's in what seems the darkest and longest hour
She's trying to find herself in your love
Is it even there?
In your comfort,in your thoughts and in your arms...so are they open?
And then there's her...
She never knew love
Crippled by the lack of touch
She tried to find herself in you but couldn't relate to the reflection in your eyes
But believed the false image in his!
She pushed to the limit by your oppression
Altered by your dissection
Cut open and left open... Vulnerable!
See how deep your blade cuts?!
Ps: ladies let us empower each other beacuse although we might not know it; we go through the same experiences! So let's be a shoulder 2 cry on for our fellow sisters! Let's bulid our sisterhood! ♥
The piece I'm about to share is something I wrote for all the ladies, we go through so much but we still carry on smiling!
This is for all my girls, with love ♥
And then there's her...
She sits woven in the fabrics of what she thought was good material
Her head wrapped around ideals that seemed concrete
Grounded in her full hips,thick lips,the roundness of her body...grounded in things she didn't have and was reminded by
Every man.
She doesn't know how to feel
She even questions if she ever felt anything
Does she even know what feeling is?
Once again she is fading... Into the great depression
Once again she has gone missing...without a trace
Her color seems invisible in the fabrics of life
Once again she becames a cold case to be locked away for decades
And she's trying to find herself in your eyes,your words,your thoughts... But she see's Maria
She see's what you say she is
Her real being consumed by your gossip,your comments, your stares
Her real being consumed by YOU!
And then there's her..
She sits woven in pain,her scars far more than physical
Mourns a baby she never got to have
Her exterior seemingly happy but her interior not speaking the same language
Her interior with holes from bullet wounds
Bullet wounds from the gun she constantly shoots herself with
And then there's her...
Now she sits woven in the same pain
Mourns a baby she treasured but never got to see
A baby that vanished right before her eyes
She's in what seems the darkest and longest hour
She's trying to find herself in your love
Is it even there?
In your comfort,in your thoughts and in your arms...so are they open?
And then there's her...
She never knew love
Crippled by the lack of touch
She tried to find herself in you but couldn't relate to the reflection in your eyes
But believed the false image in his!
She pushed to the limit by your oppression
Altered by your dissection
Cut open and left open... Vulnerable!
See how deep your blade cuts?!
Ps: ladies let us empower each other beacuse although we might not know it; we go through the same experiences! So let's be a shoulder 2 cry on for our fellow sisters! Let's bulid our sisterhood! ♥
Black Consciousness.
I always say I will never accept being discriminated because of the colour of my skin or the fact that I'm female,because I believe that you should be seen as an individual. Race is something that is a very touchy subject in our country and most people use the phrase : "its because I'm black", and that's beacuse most people view being black as something negative! And this Is due to the apartheid era in our country,where black people were made to feel less human n more like animals, and using the dark word "black" to describe Africans!
But I'm calling on all black people to use the term "black" in the way they see fit and the way Black
Consciousness intended!
This reminds of a poem that is very close to my heart n that a strong BLACK(yes I just wrote that in an uppercase cause I believe that we were never the lower case, they feared us beacuse we were great):
SISTERS
I see the wisdom of eternities
in ample thighs
belying their presence as adornments
to the temples of my sisters
old souls breath
in the comfort of chocolate thickness
that suffocates Africa’s angels
who dance to the rhythm of the universe’s womb
though they cannot feel its origins in their veins
Blessed am I to be love in the temple of my own skin
my nappy centre kisses the sun
in a harmony divine
devoid of the ugly that does not know this as God
but the sons of oppression
never gave sisters
loaves to feed the hungry fury in their bellies
nor did they teach them to fish for spirit
So I pray
to the voices that whisper in my soft curves
for the lionesses of my blood
to hear the songs of the cool reeds
to feel the green blood beat of cataclysm on their breasts
and to know the embrace of freedom
in nourishing silences
where their radiant ebony vessels
are reflections of their souls
By: lebo mashile
So with this I say VIVA being BLACK VIVA, let's not bleach our skin, let's not talk like america's but let's be proud to be who we are!
But I'm calling on all black people to use the term "black" in the way they see fit and the way Black
Consciousness intended!
This reminds of a poem that is very close to my heart n that a strong BLACK(yes I just wrote that in an uppercase cause I believe that we were never the lower case, they feared us beacuse we were great):
SISTERS
I see the wisdom of eternities
in ample thighs
belying their presence as adornments
to the temples of my sisters
old souls breath
in the comfort of chocolate thickness
that suffocates Africa’s angels
who dance to the rhythm of the universe’s womb
though they cannot feel its origins in their veins
Blessed am I to be love in the temple of my own skin
my nappy centre kisses the sun
in a harmony divine
devoid of the ugly that does not know this as God
but the sons of oppression
never gave sisters
loaves to feed the hungry fury in their bellies
nor did they teach them to fish for spirit
So I pray
to the voices that whisper in my soft curves
for the lionesses of my blood
to hear the songs of the cool reeds
to feel the green blood beat of cataclysm on their breasts
and to know the embrace of freedom
in nourishing silences
where their radiant ebony vessels
are reflections of their souls
By: lebo mashile
So with this I say VIVA being BLACK VIVA, let's not bleach our skin, let's not talk like america's but let's be proud to be who we are!
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